Mr. Pickles' Digital Mayhem

I don't know how he did it...but somehow Mr. Friend has been admitted to Northwestern's Kellogg School of Business to pursue an MBA. His first 2 classes were Statistics (Correlations & Permutations of Boredom) and Operations (Beware of the MUDA!). For his first Operations project, he was asked to do a case study of an existing business & determine how to increase their profitability. This is what he turned in...I'm thinking he's going to get an A or be asked to leave the program.

The Gold Coast Traveler is having its annual charity drive for the Lincoln Park Zoo. We have bake sales, pay to wear jeans and have raffles in order to raise money for the most magical place in all of Chicagoland. This year, we're also hosting a spin class at our fitness center - and I was nominated by Harry Molar to be a guest instructor. Although I'm getting back in shape, I was not excited for this class. I did spinning once and my sweatbands have never been the same since.

I was lamenting to Mr. Friend and he volunteered to choreograph my spin routine. I wish I had looked at what he wrote before I put on the wireless mic and started pedaling in front of the class this morning. Here's what he wrote:

CUE: Hot Stuff by Donna Summer

SAY: Welcome to Spin-tastic! (or Spin-Nasty!) Get ready to burn - your thighs and jiggle your stuff. On your bikes and pump it...pump it up! Take it to the max. And squeeze. Squeeze your buttocks. Stand up and pedal. Sit and pedal. Squat and pedal. Use your legs of steel. 1 and 2 and 3 and 4....let's go! And breathe. More breathing. MORE breathing. And pedaling.

That's all he wrote. For the rest of the class, my heavy breathing filled the mic. We raised $140.

After I finally joined Mr. Friend in a Facebookers Anonymous program, I decided I needed a new - and improved- habit to fill the void.  So I got out the old running shoes again.  It took awhile to get back to my 3 miles and not feel like I was dying phase, but I've finally made it.  I found the best running trail- where other runners and woodland creatures are all friendly.  I spotted a raccoon heading to a business meeting the other day and a group of squirrels making flapjacks over a bonfire.  Now if we can just do something about the smokers and cell phones on the trail.  Isn't that the exact opposite of nature?

America's Next Top Model.

There.  I said it.  Not ashamed.  

Here are ten things about the season premiere that illustrate why this show is magic:

1.  Tyra-Bot

2.  Alpha Jay and Beta Jay

3.  Fake silver hairdos

4.  ANTM button machine (a.k.a. Model CompuTron)

5.  Transgender

6.   Mixed martial artist

7.  Tyra Mail 

8.  Insane giggling (Marjorie)

9.  My Life As A Cover Girl commercials (horrible)

10.  "Smile with your eyes"  (3)

Prediction: Wind In The Hair is going to win the whole thing.  

Prediction 2: Tyra will be acting like a damn fool for the next 12 weeks.   

Weddings galore this summer, friends!

Wedding One: A couple of weeks ago, I went to my cousin's wedding held on a Virginia plantation. We all got cowboy hats as wedding favors and some guy with a mullet danced a jig. Somebody wrote "I Heart the Groom" on their butt and showed it to the bride. I stole some silverware because it had squirrels on it.

Wedding Two: Box and Lady Box got married last night in Des Moines. A chicken nugget officiated. That's awesome.

Wedding Three: I'm leaving for Ireland on Wednesday to head to my friend, Kate's wedding. She's getting married in Sneem to a bloke named Angus. A local wrestler named The Crusher has his own statue in the town square. I hope that's where the wedding photos are taken.

These could be the 3 best weddings in the history of nuptials.

These past couple of months have turned me into a political talk show junkie.  The Obama v. Clinton throwdown sure has me hooked on Keith Oberman and the best show to ever run against Jeopardy - Hardball with Chris Matthews.  First of all this show has the best name ever.  So great that I named Mr. Friend's new dog Hardballs.

He's pretty much crazy just like Chris Matthews and his guests.  Among my favorites:  the guy who looks just like Murray from Flight of the Conchords (he makes us yell "Murray! in a New Zealand accent), the newspaper reporter who criticizes the Bush administration and the lady in front of the Seattle backdrop.  These guys sure know how to play Hardball! 

Its the 2nd week of May so it completely makes sense for us to be establishing our 2008 business goals for the Gold Coast Traveler now. Harry Molar got me, Whiskers, Myrna Gooch and the rest of the staff in a conference room to give us a pocket guide/stressball/pen combo with our mission statement and then told us we all needed to establish goals to increase readership.

We're starting with the obvious ideas: adding Ziggy & Family Circus to the front page and featuring guest reporters. Our first guest is some weirdo called Mr. Mix Tape. Just look at him. You'll see what I mean. His first feature hit today and as weird as he looks, he seems to have his finger on the pulse of some super hot tunes.

Happy February 2008!  

I know it's been a while since my last blog, so here's what's new...

I went to New York for the Thanksgiving Day Parade, where Mr. Friend dared me to kick the Charlie Brown balloon in the chonch.  Long story short - I'm now banned from Macy's for life.

I had a nice Christmas with my parents.  My pops got me a velour track-suit and my moms got me a Boggle game.  So now I can cross those things off my list.

And, I took a nice long trip to Germany, on assignment for the Gold Coast Traveler.  It was for our bi-annual glockenspiels & schneeballen issue.  First stop - Munich!  If you saw that movie Munich - it's nothing like that.

Munich is famous for its beer halls!  I met up with our Bavarian bureau chief Kaiser von Pretzelface and his charming wife Helga.  They took me to the Hofbrauhaus and the liters of beer began to flow.  My memory is a bit fuzzy here, but I remember eating 5 sausages, a plate of mashed potatoes, and arm wrestling Helga.

When I woke up the next morning, I found that I was the proud owner of a beer bottle-fanny pack contraption and a case of gingerbread necklaces.  All for just 950 euros!

Stay tuned for more from Austria!