Monthly Archive

A couple of weeks ago, Hamburger Brown and I were out enjoying Chicago’s grand Earth Day celebration. You know… planting trees, making bird feeders, recycling our soda cans and stuff like that. Well Hamburger Brown got a pamphlet about turning in people who litter and he FREAKED out! I guess he got hit once with a nasty diaper that someone threw out a car window.

Now he’s consumed with turning in law breakers who are spoiling our Mother Earth. Drop a cigarette on the ground….Rage! Spit out your gum on a bunny rabbit…ANGER! He’s called into the litter patrol hotline so much they’ve asked him to be a Litter Marshall. For reals! Check out his badge….pretty sweet, huh? So I’m telling you now…watch out for the fuzz. His name is Litter Marshall Hamburger Brown.

Sometimes, my friend Hamburger Brown and I play this game called Point/Counterpoint. Today’s game went like this:

Topic - Vampire or Leprechaun?

HB: Easy Peasy Japanesy. It’s better to be a vampire. You get to fly around and wear a cape. Capes rule. And I think you live in a castle.

ME: Wrong-o! Vampires can’t go surfing or boogie boarding unless they do it at night. Leprechauns can boogie board - and they have pots of gold! And they eat Lucky Charms and slide down rainbows! Awesome!

HB: Rainbows? LAME! Vampires get to be friends with Wolfman and Swamp Thing and The Mummy. Leprechauns have no friends.

ME: Hamburger Brown, you ignorant slut. Those aren’t the vampire’s friends - they’re his mortal enemies. They’re all out competing to eat people.

HB: Vampires’ mortal enemies are garlic and holy water, numbnuts! Plus, vampires totally have it better with the ladies. Who wants to get it on with a short guy in a green tuxedo?

ME: I get plenty of action with my green tuxedo.

HB: Yeah….can I borrow that next weekend?

Victory - ME! Right???

Sorry it’s been a while since my last blog. I’ve been busy helping my mom with her latest endeavor. As many of you know, my mom - Buttercup Pickles - is a world-famous chef. Well, she just opened up a new bakery in Lincoln Park; it’s called Delish Surprise. She claims that people love surprise parties, so whenever a new customer enters the bakery, she yells “Surprise!” and throws a handful of confetti in their face. I think that gimmick will last about 2 weeks.

Regardless, this bakery is her opportunity to showcase some of her favorite dessert recipes. She’s got lemon squares, raisin somethings, fudge explosions and the best Turkish Delite this side of Narnia.

And, much to my chagrin, she’s created a Mr. Pickles cookie. See below. Tasty? Of course. Insane? Definitely.